The warm caress of the afternoon sun touched my cheeks in a friendly gesture. The breeze is just lovingly refreshing, as if gearing me up for a new day of intense practice sessions. We've been practicing for next week's competition for a month already and I do not know if our hard work will pay off.
Still, I hope it will.
After all, we're all giving our best during practices. Who wouldn't? Especially when you have that Hwang Chansung as your dance instructor? I can still remember his sharp criticisms and painful feedbacks to me yesterday.
I always give my best during practices but it's not my fault that I accidentally twisted my feet in the middle of a difficult stunt. Hey! It's not like I am an expert in ballet. I'm still a novice. I originally am a hip-hop dancer but the competition next week is a ballet one so we have no choice. I have quite a few backgrounds with ballet dancing but they're not enough to meet the qualifications of that grumpy dance instructor of ours. We're just of the same age but he's the president of our dance club so he's the one taking charge of everything. And everything includes the unending lectures about how lousy and eye irritating my moves are.
He could've just assisted me and told me how to do it properly. It's not easy to switch from hip-hop to ballet, nor is it easy to convert rough moves to graceful ones.
His horrible criticisms fueled me with perseverance so I practiced at home last night and my tendon almost tore in the process. I don't want to disappoint him again. Moreover, I don't want to be a constant burden to my co-dancers. I can feel them giving me death glares whenever Hwang Chansung asks us to repeat everything from the top.
I entered the hall cautiously. Everyone is preparing for the practice. It's quite confusing, in fact. Why are they practicing for the practice, anyway? That doubles the agony.
I placed my stuff in the locker and started getting ready. The exact moment I finished stretching, our instructor came in. At the sound of the door screeching, I turned at the person who just walked in and realized that he's looking my way all along. Who am I talking about here? Hwang Chansung.
He clapped his hands twice, indicating us to get into formation. I jogged to my place as fast as I can before something undesirable happens. The music started playing in the background.
"From the top guys," he said. "This time, I want everything perfect. Next week will be the competition proper. I don't want you slipping and twisting your ankles while doing the stunts," he threw a sardonic look at me and then back at the team again. "That would taint our reputation."
I scoffed mentally. This time, you want everything perfect? You always want everything to be perfect. You're a perfectionist when it comes to the theatrical things but your life is a mess!
How ironic could that be?!
I can never forget the time Kwon Jaemin, my best friend, came to me in tears. She was Chansung's girlfriend and they broke up a year ago. Jaemin saw Chansung hugging another woman from behind and, hurt as she was, she broke everything off between the two of them the day after. She cannot even bear to ask him for an explanation.
I'm glad, though, that Jaemin saw that someone's better off for her instead of Chansung. Proud as I am, Jaemin already moved on with another guy, someone who deserves her better.
We glided across the dance floor according to the beat and harmony of the soft music. I gave my best in the turning and twisting but I lost my footage in the next jump, making me lose my balance and bumping with another dancer.
I cringed inwardly, anticipating for the worse. Why on Earth did I lose my footage on that jump?! I practiced last night and everything just seemed so perfect! What happened just now?
A shrill derogatory voice from behind snapped me out of my thoughts, "What is happening to you, Rinri?! What's with those feet of yours?! Aren't you even ashamed that you're the only one who's pulling all our performances down?"
He turned to glare at me and said, "Such a nuisance."
My heartbeat was furious against my rib cage. How dare he tell me that I'm a nuisance! I'm giving my best in here!
"From the top," he declared, shooting me an angry glance.
I drew a deep breath before getting to my feet. It's really hopeless.
Before I knew it, our practice was already finished. But I still have some unfinished business I have to settle. I saw Hwang Chansung preparing his belongings; getting ready to head out. Without further thoughts, I walked towards his direction, my head held high in a confident tilt.
"I want to speak with you," I said, trying to keep my face prim.
He turned to me and arched a brow up. "Yes, Miss Twisted feet?" he replied.
Though I'm already fuming inside, I tried to be calm. "I just want to ask why you're always giving me the most difficult stunts and whenever I cannot make it, you tend to embarrass me to the whole club by criticizing me with your degrading words," I said, my face is blank from any emotion. I don't want him to know how hurt I've become.
He faced me fully and said, "I gave you the easiest stunts, Rinri. And even the easiest, you cannot handle. Do you really consider yourself as a dancer?"
I can feel colour creeping to my cheeks. How dare he doubt my credibility?!
"As a matter of fact, I do. Because being a dancer isn't only about having a perfect set of feet. It's about dedication and commitment," I said firmly, as if trying to clear his clouded judgement with my words.
Instead of getting the desired reaction I was expecting to get from him, I got nothing but a cynical laugh. He laughed in my face and once he's done, he muttered while sending me an insulting gaze, "You're lousy. Just like your best friend."
I was fueled with rage when I heard him bringing up the issue about my best friend. I gritted my teeth in anger when I remembered what he did to her. I can take it, no matter how derogatory his words come out, if it's only me whom he's trampling on. Just... don't mention my best friend.
I can feel my hand stiffen and without warning, I gave him a sharp slap on his left cheek. He looked at me with burning eyes that matched my angry ones. I challenged him through my sharp, intense gaze. I said through gritted teeth, "I can take whatever you say to me but don't you dare bring Jaemin up in here. She deserves better. She hates you."
I took a step back, clutching my bag with my right hand. "And I loathe you," I continued, before completely turning my heels and head home.
His guts! That thick-faced moron! Who does he think he is?!
I made my way to the dark alley that leads the way to my apartment. My right hand is still red from the slap I gave him. I guess I slapped him pretty hard. I don't regret a single thing, though. He deserves everything he got. It's worth it. Or maybe, it's worth more. I want to give him a twin slap on both cheeks to flatten his always-fuming face!
Still, I cannot get over what he said to me. How dare he involve Jaemin in all of these?! She deserves better! And he's talking like everything had been Jaemin's fault! He has no right to get mad in one way or another. He's the one who cheated her and now, he's still has it in his decaying guts to get mad?!
I kicked a strayed stone in frustration and it rolled its way until it left my sight. How can everyday be an unlucky day?
How can I continue dancing without meeting him? Without being criticized by someone as heartless as him? It's my fault, anyway. Why did I have to vote him with he ran for presidency? If only he'd showed his real attitude back then, I wouldn't think twice in voting his opponent.
I was busy with my soliloquy that I didn't realize someone was making his way towards me from the opposite part of the alley.
I frowned.
I cannot remember a guy about my age ever crossed this alley.
Another frown made its way on my brow.
Because he's not alone. Another one came out of the shadows.
I can feel my heart palpitating in a nervous rhythm.
Another one appeared; his hand in the pocket of his jacket.
Looking from one guy to another, I can feel my lips turning numb. Instinctively, I turned my heels, ready to go back but another set of guys met my vision. There is another three of them. I looked from one side to another, my eyes reflecting horror. Their footsteps are fast approaching. Spotting a smaller alley in front of me, I clutched my bag tighter and made my way to it as fast as I could.
Beads of cold perspiration are seeping out of my pores and my breathing came fast and shallow from nervousness. I cannot think of anything coherent in this very moment. The only thing that my mind is focused about is getting away from the unknown persons as much as possible. There isn't any light and I cannot see a single thing. It's so dark yet the darkness didn't lessen my speed. I accidentally stumbled in a pile of barrels and I lost my balance. I fell on the wet cement hard. Wincing, I tried to stand as fast as I could. I looked back and I saw them running after me. All the six of them. My heart rate doubled in duration and intensity. My eyes are eclipsed with horror about what may happen.
But I guess the unlucky encounter with Chansung later this day wasn't the end. I reached the end of the narrow alley... and to my dismay, there's nothing else but a tall wall.
The next thing I knew is that a flashlight is spotted on my face. It's so bright that I cannot recognize the face of my possible attackers.
"What do we have here?" I heard a deep voice echoed in my ears.
"HyunSeung, what do you think?"
"Ask the leader. Doon Joon will know what to do," the one with the name HyunSeung said.
I frowned. What are they talking about? What are they planning to do to me?!
"Y-you... You can get my money. My bag o-or everything. Just p-please don't hurt-t m-me..." I begged with my literally shaking voice. I stretched my hand and offered them the bag I was clutching.
But the group didn't even entertain my offer.
"Jun Hyung, you have a better idea? You're already tired of the sex slave you have in your closet, right?" someone from among the group asked. I think he's their leader.
My eyes widen in horror. What do they mean 'sex slave'?!
I can see a silhouette of someone making his way towards me. His hands are in his black leather jacket. I cringed in fear. What will become of me now?
The guy squatted before me and held my trembling chin. I tried my best to shove him away but he didn't even budge. I can feel him scrutinizing me as he turned my face from side to side.
"Yo Seob, she's not my type. I bet she's not good in bed," the Jun Hyung guy said. I sighed mentally in relief, despising the comment.
The flashlight traveled through my body and I held my legs together in response. I bet he's the one named Yo Seob.
"If only Chansung didn't quit the group... he'd always described his interest to have long brown hair, slim body and innocent eyes. Pity..." Yo Seob said, his eyes hidden in the darkness. "I'll take her, though. She'll do for tonight."
Before the guy holding the flashlight can take another step towards me, I forced myself to ask, "What do you mean Chansung?"
The guy gave me a sly grin, "Hwang Chansung was our leader. He quit the group last month. You can ask me whatever you want as long as you join me in bed tonight."
I protested by kicking and punching when he laid his hand on my shoulder. I shrieked in horror as I try to free myself from his grip.
What will become of me now? I don't want to be a victim of some horrid gang! And Chansung?! That guy... was a part of this gang once?! The revelation tainted my impression to him even more.
Just as I was trying my best to shrug away from the hands that are possessively seeking their way over my body, a familiar manly voice echoed in the darkness of the night, "Let go of her."
My eyes turned to look at the intruder, feeling my hopes being lifted rather higher.
I squinted my eyes, trying to see who my possible saviour was.
"Who... Who are you? Please help... please help me..." I said in a helpless plea.
"Ah... Chansung. What brought you here?"
I can feel my heart sink at the mention of his name. I don't know what will happen next.
Chansung remained silent.
"You want her to yourself? Why not? Just come back to the group."
"Shut up Doo Joon. I gave you my word weeks ago," Chansung's cold voice reverberated. I've never heard his voice so calm and yet so ferocious at the same time.
"I quit BEAST and I will never go back. There's more to life than doing savage things," he said.
Before I knew it, a guy lunged over him and attempted to give him a punch. The darkness of the night made me oblivious of what was actually happening. I cannot see clearly and all I know is that they are fighting. Six against one.
I can feel concern for Chansung welling up my heart. Will he be alright after this? Can he beat the guys all alone?
I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw the guys scramming away. Chansung was a good one, indeed. But nonetheless, I didn't know what he will do to me.
He kneeled before me and laid his hands over my shaking shoulders.
"Go away..." I murmured, my head feeling dizzy.
But he didn't. Instead, he slid his strong arm under my knees and one in my back. He lifted me up. I was too tired to even protest. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy.
The only thought that's running in my head over and over again is...
"Why?"
The rays from the morning sun peeped its way to my tired eyes. Slowly, I tried to get up, contemplating what happened and how I end up in my apartment safely. The last thing I remember is Hwang Chansung's face.
I sat at the edge of my bed while holding my head in between my hands.
"You're finally awake," my head snapped up towards the owner of the strangely familiar voice.
"What are you doing here?!" I asked; my voice is strong in its repugnance.
I watched as he walked his way to the couch situated at the edge of my room. His messy spiky hair is covering half of his weary eyes. He looked like he didn't sleep at all.
"What are you doing here?!" I repeated my own question.
Instead of answering me, he leaned back comfortably at the couch and closed his eyes. I felt insulted.
"Hwang Chansung, I want you out of my apartment this instant!" I shouted in a firm tone.
"That's what you're going to say to me after I rescued you? How grateful of you," he said softly.
I gritted my teeth. How dare he flaunt over my face with his act last night! "I didn't ask you to rescue me, did I?"
He tilted his head to one side and remained silent.
I sighed in resignation. There's no point arguing with this chivalrous idiot.
"Ah! I see. You were a part of that group that's why you have it in your blood the same filthy traits they have. You with your sharp criticisms!" I remarked boldly and turned to get out of my room.
I was about to turn the open the doorknob when a hand held me firmly on my elbows.
"What--"
"You don't know a lot of things about me," he said.
"I don't care about who you are and I'm not interested in getting to know you," I rebutted.
"You won't say that especially because it has something to do with your best friend," he stated. A frown made its way to my brow. What does he mean? I hate how he made me curious about his personality. I don't care about who he is and what he's capable of but when it comes to Jaemin, I cannot help but be worried.
I sighed, "Fine. Tell me about it."
He shook his head lightly, "No, Rinri. You have to win the Crystal Arabesque tomorrow first."
"What?!"
He kept mum and strolled out of my apartment callously.
I was left inside my room, hyperventilating. What does he mean?! Why do I have to win the Crystal Arabesque? Why is it so important to him?! And what does it have to do with anything?!
The unending applause from the crowd didn't help in calming my palpitating heart. I rubbed my hands together to ease the coldness enveloping them. Everything could've been over if only Hwang Chansung didn't announce to our group that I will be taking the place of the solo because his partner accidentally strained her ankle in the last leap during the group competition. I was thankful because I didn't mess up my moves during the group. Now, what am I supposed to do? I will be doing the solo and I have no idea what's going on in Chansung's mind! He just has that stupid sly smile plastered on his lips! Darn him for putting me into this!
I will be doing the solo. What am I supposed to do?!
I have no choice but to do my best in the twirling and all. I'm doing this for Jaemin, though a part of me wanted to know the mystery behind the real Hwang Chansung. As hard it is for me to admit, I am curious about his real identity. I want and I need to win the Crystal Arabesque tonight or he will keep his mouth shut.
I heaved a deep breath when our names were already announced. We will do an interpretative ballet.
Chansung held my hand and I glared at him. He smiled in response. How ironic. I'm completely clueless about what's in his thoughts. But this isn't the right time to wonder about it.
I tried my best to portray my sweetest smile to the crowd.
The song was "Angel's Brought Me Here" and we have to interpret it.
I have no practice and I'm going to do it impromptu. Chansung promised to guide me along, though.
The music started to flow and I began to twirl on my tiptoes. I tried my best to interpret the song through my moves. I have to be gentle and graceful. And as much as I hate it, I have to pretend that I'm so in love with Chansung. I have to have soft eyes, which are eclipsed with intense longing and love for him. I have to hold him possessively against me.
The chorus started to play and he held me by the waist tight, his eyes are soft and are staring at me in an intensity that surprised me. He drew his face close to me. He's so close that his minty breath fanned my cheeks and his lips are sending me butterfly kisses all over my face. I lifted my hand and laid them over his left cheek gently and gracefully. He leaned in my touch and closed his eyes. He twirled me over and dipped me over before holding me in his arms again.
His hand made its way to my thigh and he gently guided it until it's circling his waist. I cannot protest. We're in the middle of the competition so I have no choice but to play along. I circled my arms in his neck and drew him nearer. I can smell a fragrance so unique. I cannot remember smelling it from anywhere else but from him.
The music continued to play and the lights changed from light pink to a hue of light blue to silvery beams. Smoke covered half of our body, adding effects to the feeling we're trying to portray. I do not know but having him so close to such proximity is starting to get to me. My heart is reacting to his touch.
Before we knew it, I can hear the crowd applauding and cheering over us.
My heart warmed when I heard their voice. It fueled me with determination and slowly, it dissolved the nervousness I feel. I smiled longingly at my partner and he did the same as we move our body along with the gentle harmony of the music.
The song ended before I knew it. I smiled at the cheering crowd and bowed gracefully with Chansung holding my hand high.
We headed backstage where the rest of the group were.
"That was so great, Rinri!"
"Thanks, Nichkhun," I smiled gratefully.
Taecyeon extended his hand and gave me a warm handshake, "How was it for an unrehearsed number? That was so graceful!"
"Yeah. I can feel the song with the way you move with Chansung!" complimented the smiling Wooyoung.
"Thanks a lot guys," I said sincerely.
"I was getting carried away. It made me wonder if that was interpretative or that was real."
"Oh stop joking around Kim Junsu," I glared at him playfully.
After the small chat I had with the guys, we waited for the announcement of the winner.
Nervous as I am, I settled on one corner and bit my lower lip. It doesn't matter. Win or lose, I gained another experience. I never thought that I can do the solo extempore.
"Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We have the results now," the hosts announced.
I can feel my heart rate intensifying. My stomach is circling in an uncomfortable manner. I can feel my head forming beads of sweats.
"The Crystal Arabesque goes to..."
On the way home, Chansung told me to ride with him. He promised to tell me everything about it. I won the Crystal Arabesque trophy and he has to keep his promise.
I kept silent all throughout the ride. I still cannot explain why my heart beat rapidly when we were at the stage. Having his body close to mine and how my body reacted was something I cannot explain either. Why am I reacting this way?! No. I have to stop myself.
"Congratulations," he said.
I scoffed lightly and turned to him. I never expected him to congratulate me. Based from the way he treated me before, I never thought he has it in him to praise someone.
"I proved it to you that I can also do it," I said without looking at him. I kept my eyes trailed on the road. The night is dark as we head back.
After a short pause, he said, "I know you can..."
Curiosity hit me. What's happening and why is he acting so strangely?
"What kind of air got into you?" I asked. My brows pulled together in wonder. Since when did he become kind?
Little did I notice that he drove me to an unfamiliar road.
"Where are we?" I asked, desperately demanding for an answer.
But Chansung never failed to frustrate me to no end. He stopped and went out of the car. My eyes followed his figure. I went out of the car myself. The moon was full and silvery and the sky was cloudless. The coldness of the night seeped through my thin sweater but I tried my best to control my shivering.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," Chansung said, his eyes looked so distant.
"You didn't hurt me. You hurt Jaemin," I countered, keeping my hands balled inside the pockets of my pants in an attempt to warm them a little.
"She's the one who broke off with me," he said.
I taunted bitterly, "Because she saw you hugging another girl! What do you expect?!"
His eyes remained hidden in the shadows and I cannot see the expression he has in his face. He leaned back the car and sighed, "We weren't hugging. We were practicing for a dance but your friend didn't even listen to me when I was trying to explain everything to her."
My brows furrowed, wondering if I heard him right. "What?" I managed to whisper.
"Yes," came his short reply.
I swallowed the lump forming on my throat. If he's telling the truth, then it only means that I misjudged him. I should've heard him first before judging him. My fault... "I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked gently.
"I said horrible things to you without hearing you out," I reasoned, lowering my head in shame.
"Yeah. You should be sorry," he said monotonously.
And for that, I smacked his arm. Hard.
He flinched and rubbed his arm. "What was that for?!" he seethed.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?!" I rebuked.
"You hurt me," he reasoned.
"Of course I did!" it's not like I'm denying it either.
"No. You hurt me so you should be sorry," he said, turning to look at me.
I wrinkled my brow in response, "Do you wear your heart on your sleeve?"
He shook his head lightly, "No Rinri. I treated you badly because I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me."
What does he mean by that? He was the one hurting me for the past months.
"I don't understand. I cannot even remember doing so--" he cut me off.
"I don't really love Jaemin but I tried to love her. You see, she doesn't trust me one single bit," he said.
I kept quiet, waiting for him to continue.
"You're the one I really want to pursue but I know that you don't have feelings for me. You weren't even hurt when Jaemin and I started dating..." he said. Bitterness was evident in his voice. I can feel my lips trembling slightly at the uncovered truth.
"Then, Jaemin broke our relationship," he continued, releasing a frustrated sigh.
"Still, you were oblivious," he said while shaking his head, as if trying to contemplate what happened. "And I started hating you and hurting you by giving you the difficult steps in the dance."
"But up until now, I still have to convince myself that I hate you. But no. These overwhelming feelings I have for you won the battle," he said helplessly.
"I... I wanted to end my suffering. I've been holding on to these feelings I have for you for two years. I cannot take it anymore. I decided that if you win the competition, I'll confess to you. If you don't, I'll leave you alone and I'll transfer to another school..."
"But you won..."
He sighed.
"So here I am..."
"What?" I was puzzled by all the revelations left uncovered. So that explains why he hated me.
Before I knew it, he turned to face me.
"You know what? I quit the gang for you. It's been a month since Jaemin broke my heart and it's been two years since you're breaking my heart. I decided that I want to be a better person for you," he said. I can feel the sincerity in his voice tugging at my heart,
"It doesn't matter how you'll take it. I just want you to know, " he asserted sadly and opened the door for me to enter.
I was shocked and for a moment, I do not know how to react. I never thought that the emotions I felt for him when we were dancing, the way my body reacted to his touch, the way I held him against me... they were all interpretation, and not of the song but of the real feelings I have for him
The longing in his eyes when he looked at me then, the way he held my body against him, the way he caressed my skin gently, the expression of love he had in his eyes when we were dancing... they weren't simple interpretation because he was obliged to do so by the song.
They were all real.
And that ignited a spark from within my heart I never knew was already there.
"Get in. It's getting late. I'll take you home," he said, sadness was apparent in his eyes no matter how he tried to conceal it with a forced smile.
I drew a deep breath and said firmly, "No."
"What?"
I spun him around and pinned him against car. He looked at me strangely.
"I hate you," I said, my look in his eyes is unwavering.
He looked away and swallowed hard. Blinking his tears away, he muttered without looking at me, "I.... I understand..."
"I hate you," I repeated.
"I..."
"I hate you," I repeated once again, leaving him no room to talk.
He gave me a flustered look and began to explain desperately, "Look, it's not my fault that I fell for--"
"I hate you for being a coward!" I exclaimed.
"What?"
I walked out. How can he be so dumb?!
I was about to enter the car but a hand grabbed me firmly by the elbow. He spun me around and made me face him.
"What do you mean?" he asked. His voice is desperately seeking for an explanation.
"What I mean?" I copied his question.
But I will not give him any more explanation.
Balancing in my tiptoes, I kissed him lopsidedly on the lips. It was just a quick, gentle, affectionate peck but I delivered to him all the explanation he needed through it.
I stared at him and he looked at me in an intensified stare that warmed my heart. Smiling widely to himself, he held me by the waist securely and pulled me in for a breathtaking kiss. He held me possessively against him and kissed me thoroughly, leaving me no room to talk or even breath.
I reciprocated his affection with equal fervour, pulling him to me with my arms around his neck. Our lips moved against each other in a mating rhythm. We poured our special feelings to one another through it until we gasped for air.
Panting, I smiled when I realized that he got my message, "That's what I mean..."
-1-
I can feel the weight of the whole world in my two shoulders. Weakly, I walked languidly to where my car was parked and drove off. I love photography and I just learned today that I qualified the entrance examination to my dream University. Everything just seemed so perfect. I would be staying in a dormitory like any other ordinary students out there. I would be taking pictures of things I love. I would be travelling to get a great shot. I would be free from the suffocating cage my parents locked me in. I would be independent. The mere thought of being independent is enough to swoon me over to the moon.
But that wasn't as simple as that. They've been my little dreams as long as I can remember. And, with the way things are asserted, I guess it would just remain as it was.
My parents' reaction to the news sent my leaping heart into tampered pieces. It was everything to me. It was everything I dreamed of. It was my greatest achievement, so far. And how I hope that they would be proud of me too. I want them to be proud of me. No. I need them to. But that's not the case. They have no heart for love. Greed already corrupted their hearts and took control of their brains.
I don't want to be the same.
I didn't realize that it's been three hours. I've been driving aimlessly through the quiet roads of Taipei. The place isn't as busy as it is in the main City. I never realized that I drove myself unto this area. It's where my heart carried me. A place away from the chaotic city and their luminous lights and fake personalities.
I want to be myself. I need to be.
I went out of the car and stared at the expanse of the open field before my eyes, almost plain black under the tin moonlight eclipsed with thick layer of clouds. The playful wind is undeniably cold and foggy. Realizing that I'm the only one there, I shouted all my frustrations freely, letting them all out to unburden myself. I feel so helpless. I hate the world. I just want a simple life. I never dreamed of something so grand. Just simple and happy life is enough for me. I want to pursue what I want! What I want is where I need to be.
Why can't they just love me enough?
I cried. I never thought I'm still capable of doing so. I need to break free. I want an escape. But there's no key.
And the cage is locked.
Though how much I wanted to remain on the spot and savour the freedom of sweet fantasy, I have to find a place to warm myself.
Rubbing my hands together, I spotted a coffee shop a hundred meters away from where I am. I decided to walk my way to the coffee shop. It's not that far, anyway. And I love strolling through the night. It seemed so far-fetched from my usual life.
I love this feeling.
Carefree.
--
I entered the shop and found myself a seat at a corner, near the windowpanes, so that the darkness of the night could remain my company. I felt blank and my future remains uncertain. I want to boycott my parents' decision. I want to pursue what I want, for the very first time in my years of existence.
But I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to build a life of my own.
I'm afraid I will fail and my parents would end up flaunting my mistakes right in my face. It would be a painful slap.
A gentle voice snapped me out from my train of thoughts. I looked up and my gaze got trapped in his.
His mesmerizing eyes and their sensitivity.
His gentle moves and the protection they promise.
His sweet smile and their freedom.
His luring presence and their warmth.
I was stunned, and for a moment I didn't budge. I wasn't able to speak anything at all. Concern etched at his forehead when I didn't get to answer his question. His brows furrowed in sheer concern as he repeated the question once again. My eyes trailed down from his hypnotizing eyes, to his poignant nose, to his velvet lips. I watched, self-consciously, on how his lips form every word, amazed at how soft they look. I was petrified in place, I couldn't move.
I was snapped out of my trance when I realized that he had laid his hand on my shoulder. Only then did I become aware on how my heart is beating frantically fast inside my rib cage and loud against my ears. I could feel colour creeping to my cheeks and I gulped.
I didn't know that I've been acting inappropriately for a couple of minutes. It just came out naturally. I mentally kicked myself for being so clumsy. My parents always remind me not to let anyone know what you truly feel. It's a chance for them to take advantage of your weakness.
Tearing my gaze away, I cleared my throat before I look at him once again. "Yes?"
He removed his warm hands from my shoulders and I feel myself bemused on how the warmth still remains there. He smiled genuinely and asked the same question he'd been repeating for quite a number of times already, "May I take your order?"
I bit my lower lip and, with slightly trembling hands, I reached over the menu table he offered me. I pretended to decide what to order, though I'm not really interested on what to eat at all. I don't have the appetite to feed my empty stomach when my heart, itself, is famished for love. My stomach's yearn for its own food seemed overlooked. "I'll get a cappuccino, thank you," I said, forcing a small smile to escape from my lips, and handed him the menu.
"In a minute ma'am," he bowed and went off.
I watched in awe at how he walked through the row of tables. Despite his diner uniform, his magnificence still radiated blindingly. I have never met a man who's capable of having such an effect on me.
I tapped my heart lightly and took several deep breaths to steady my breathing. True enough, he went back after several minutes and, with a permanent smile on his flawless face, he settled my order in front of me. I inhaled deeply, taking the sweet scent of the aroma into my lungs. "Enjoy your coffee, ma'am," he said, his hands behind him and bowed lightly.
I bowed too in response, grateful to find such a free soul to take into inspiration.
When he's already nowhere in sight, I drifted back to where reality reigns. My reality, that is. I'll be looking forward to another couple of years hoisted with royalty and pretense. I'm sick of it. I feel like a puppet being pulled into strings.
Before I knew it, I'm already crying. I've never felt this weak, this vulnerable, and this helpless.
I cried, as I watch the dewdrops traced its own existence in the windows, drawing a straight line.
Just then, someone sat in front of me. I didn't bother to figure out who it is. But then, what he said caused my heart to palpitate once more.
"Ella..." he begun gently, his hoarse voice coaxing me to look at him.
I did. Not because of his voice this time, but because I never expected him to know my name.
"How did you know who I am?" I demanded incredulously at him, looking straight to his eyes.
But I didn't see any sign of danger. His smile is genuine and caring. For a moment, I felt safe under his gaze.
"Who wouldn't know who you are? The future heiress of the Chen Empire," he narrated in a kind voice, and took a quick sip of his coffee.
I averted my eyes tiredly and laughed bitterly. "I didn't know I'm that popular," I told him boldly and sarcastically as I trace my finger around the rim of the mug blankly.
"Aren't you on duty? Why are you sitting here and talking to a customer? What if your boss sees you?" I asked him several questions in a row.
He laughed sincerely and I saw amusement in his eyes radiating brightly. "Don't worry. I'm the owner of this coffee shop. And you're the only customer left so I decided to come approach you. I hope you wouldn't mind," he said by the way of explaining himself.
"I see..." I muttered softly, not sure what else to say. I'm not really a people person. I'm an introvert and I do not know how to mingle with other people the friendly way naturally. I'm just not friendly enough. I don't have that much confidence.
After a short pause, he finally said, "I saw you crying."
My eyes shot wide and I swallowed the lump forming on my throat callously as I stare at him in shock. I don't know what to do. Should I explain my act? Should I tell him why I cried? Is he trustworthy enough? Is it appropriate for a girl to share something confidential to a stranger she just met?
I don't know how I should react, as I'm not good in handling these types of conversations. I've been used to keeping my emotions to myself.
I could feel a light, warm pressure over my fragile hand. He held my hand reassuringly and I felt secured. I don't know why, but something in me is whispering that I need to trust him, that I can trust him.
I didn't remove my hands from his as I begun, "My parents didn't agree to my chosen course. They wanted me to take over our business and they think I'll just waste my time if I take the course I want." I could feel beads of fresh tears flow down to my cheeks and I blushed slightly. I've never been this open to someone before. And I love the feeling of having someone there who could support you and care for you.
He smiled. I don't have a single clue about what he's thinking but that smile alone told me that I need not to worry about it, "I know you love photography. Don't worry. Your parents love you. And sooner, they will realize that what will make them happy is seeing you happy."
I cried once again for those thoughtful and touching words. He's such an angel. How could he possibly say such things and eventually soothe my aching pain and hatred?
And I believed him, almost instantly.
He went over to seat next to me and, with noticeable hesitancy, he wrapped his arms around me, knowing that I need this contact. I've never felt this much security around me, not even when I have a dozen of bodyguards surrounding me. I drifted off to dreamland as I welcome the uncontainable emotion and wrapped my arms around him too. He smoothed my hair with his gentle fingertips to relax me.
I never though that I would be able to establish such a deep bond to someone I just met. It's just that it's not my brain that spoke up to me.
It's my heart.
--
He offered to walk me over to where I left my car a few hours ago. It's time to go home as I know that my parents are already worried sick about me. They just don't trust me enough. And it hurts. But as much as I wanted to enjoy his company still, I know that he needed to rest himself. It's enough, though. At least I found myself a friend.
A very special one.
"Thank you so much for your company. It's such a relief to have someone to talk to," I smiled sincerely, my face flushed.
He smiled back and walked nearer to me. I continued to stare at his beautiful eyes and allowed myself to drown in his gaze. He reached out to extend his hand to me and said, "I'm Chun. It's the least I could do. It's such a pleasure to finally meet you."
I reached over to lock our hands together and we shared a handshake. "Could I come back to your coffee shop again when I feel like it?"
"Sure. I'm looking forward to meeting you again," he replied as he ushered me to my car.
Just then, the first snow fell upon us. A blessing. A benediction. At that moment, I forgot about everything. I forgot about the conflict between my parents and I; between what I want and what they want.
He's such a rock in the middle of a stormy sea.
-2-
The first snow fell today. And I can feel the remaining few drops of warmth from my heart being chased away. The first snowfall... it reminds me of an incident a year ago. An incident that only happened once... but remained treasured in my heart until now. I never failed to visit his coffee shop. If not twice, once every two weeks. I enjoy his company. I enjoy the way he lives his life. He lives it the simple, yet happy way. Unlike me, he has all the time bestowed in his hands. It's up to him on how to spend it. I wanted to be like him.
But instead of envy, I feel tranquility I don't envy him, instead, I feel like I wanted to be a part of that simple life he has. Slowly, in the coarse of those twelve months that all happened so fast, I felt like I needed him. Like I wanted to be a part of his life. I want to be more to him. To be someone else.
--
Do you believe in love at first sight?
A friend once told me, “There’s no such thing as love at first sight. How could you fall in love with someone you don’t even know? That’s absurd!”
I remembered myself affirming on that statement. I believe that one has to undergo certain steps and tests in order to determine if you really love a person. Love at first sight is next to impossibility. It’s just mere attraction in the physical sense. Love is not involved.
That is, until the first snow fell one winter night… a year ago.
It was, indeed, impossible. And it's a proof that impossible things do happen.
--
I love Chun.
But he's oblivious about my feelings.
And I can't demand for more.
It's not appropriate.
And I know that if I continue to get closer to him, if I continue to entertain my feelings for him, I would only end up hurting myself. It's not only because he doesn't have feelings for me, which I'm sure of, but even if he does, my parents wouldn't agree to it. They want me to marry someone within the circle.
And Chun is not.
I don't want to share with him the curse of my life, anyway.
So, I decided it's better if I stay away from him for now.
I didn't visit his coffee shop for a month. And it started when my father told me about my supposed engagement today. An engagement I never agreed unto. An engagement to a man I never knew.
But I have no choice.
I need to save Chun.
And I have to save myself too.
--
The first time the snow fell one year ago was the first time I was freed from my cage. And now, as the first snow fell once again, is the time when I'm going back to that prison.
It's called sacrifice.
I entered the hall, my face masked with a happy facade, my raven dress hugged me dearly as I try to recall the proper etiquette and conducts that took me years to master. With my right arm hooked to my father's left arm, while my mother is on his right, we entered the hall, as eyes set upon us, full of amazement and expectations. I could barely handle the overflowing prospects of business magnates. It's too much to handle and I know that I shall not make any single mistake, no matter how petty it is. I must portray perfection. And it's sickening.
We turned to talk to some business associates and I have to wear a smile all the time. How I wish I'm back at the coffee shop. It's the only place where I can be my real self. Even my own room doesn't feel like home anymore. I feel nostalgia awash over me and my thoughts flew to what Chun is currently doing. Is he missing me too? Is he busy? Is he tired?
Is he okay?
No! I mentally reminded myself. This is my engagement party. I have to be keep my thought away from him. He'll just remain as another distant dream. It's my own stupidity that made me dream about escaping from this life. There's no escape. This is my fate.
No matter how I try to deny it.
But God... I miss him dearly.
I scoffed mentally. Get a hold of yourself, Ella Chen!
A couple approached us and chatted with my parents about business and all. They talked about how to merge their business into one. And based on how they talk about it, I came into conclusion that these are my future in-laws. I tried to be cordial and smiled at them when my dad introduced us to each other.
"How lucky of us, dear. She's such a charming young lady," the gentle gestures of the woman towards her husband caused my heart to ache. It's like they have love for each other. And they didn't marry each other for money.
If they know how it feels like, then why are they doing this to their own son? Don't they want their son to experience the same love and happiness they have?
"The pleasure is mine, ma'am," I replied self-consciously and bowed slightly.
When I lifted my head back again, I heard someone approaching us. "Mom, dad!" a manly voice called.
My heart clenched. I didn't bother to look at the person.
"Oh, there you are dear," the woman said, a smile apparent in her voice.
"Good evening auntie, uncle," I heard him say.
"Such a refined gentleman you have raised here," my mother complimented.
I don't know what to do. I've never met this man before. And I don't know how to react. I kept my gaze on the tiled floor.
"I think we better give time for these young ones to have their own time. I can see that my Ella here is feeling awkward," my dad chuckled as he ushered for the others in a table reserved for them.
--
I remained rooted in my spot.
"Ella?" I heard him say.
I hesitantly tilted my head up again, and, with much difficulty, I turned to look at him. I bit my lower lip. He looked like him.
And it hurts me to know that it's only the face, and not the real Chun, that he has.
Even if he looked like him in some angles, Chun is still the one I wanted. The one I needed. The one I love.
"I'm sorry about the way I acted a while ago. I'm just... not so comfortable," I told him boldly.
He smiled gently and he reminded me of Chun once again. "It's okay. I understand that— "
"No you don't! You don't understand a single thing!" I snapped at him. He's trying to replace Chun in my heart and I will never let him succeed in doing so!
I saw his eyes eclipsed with confusion. I continued, "I'll agree to marry you but there will always be someone else in my heart. It will always be him."
He remained silent and I took it as an opportunity to excuse myself from his presence.
--
I dashed out, running towards the garden. I never thought that I wouldn't be able to control my emotions in there. He's just... he's just so like Chun and I won't allow him to try to act like him. He could stop pretending to be nice! He's not Chun. He will never be.
But what will happen to the merger? To my parent's trust? To the Chen empire and its employees? I have to be responsible for it. I have to be responsible for them. And besides, I don't want Chun to share the same fate I have. It would be very selfish of me. I don't want to rob him of his simple and happy life.
I need to save him by imprisoning myself.
But I love him. Could I bear the thought that I am married to another man but I love someone else? I don't even want to be on the same room as he is. Then, how can I allow myself to kiss him? Make love to him?
That would be utterly disgusting.
"Chun... I wish you're here to comfort me. I don't know what to do anymore," I whispered helplessly in the unresponsive wind as tears start to fall from my eyes. The soft cotton-like snows are pouring lightly in me but nothing could beat the empty coldness I feel in my heart.
I remembered what he told me one time. That if I am torn between two complicated things and I don't know what to do, I'll just have to toss a coin, and before I knew it, I already am expecting what I want before it lands.
I smiled bitterly and fished for the coin he gave me.
Will I agree to the engagement?
Head, yes. Tails, no.
I closed my eyes and threw the coin in the air. I could feel the frantic beating of my heart, as if it wanted an escape. And right in that instant, I finally know what I want. I want to be with Chun. I have to tell him; no matter how he takes it, I don't care. I have to tell him. The side of the coin that will appear doesn't matter anymore. Heads or tails, I will most definitely do what I want to do.
Snapping my eyes open, I took a step back when I saw that my future fiance followed me to the garden. His face is glowing under the dim light emanating from inside the hall, his eyes soft and mesmerizing.
But he's not Chun.
I looked down and turned to look for the coin. But I couldn't find it. I continued to search for it. Chun gave it to me. It's dear to me, just like its predecessor.
"I didn't know you're still keeping this,"
His statement halted me from my search. "What are you talking about?" I asked him.
He lowered his eyes and my own eyes followed his. He opened his palm and the coin was there. I wasn't able to see if it's heads of tails because it's hidden in the shadows. I tried to grab it from his hand but he closed his palm straight away.
"Give it to me!" my prompt demand. But his next action sent my heart into chaotic perplexity.
He hid it in his pocket and stared back at me. "What are you doing? It's mine! Give it back!"
His brows shot high and with extreme calmness, he replied, "Why is it so important to you?"
"Because he gave it to me! Chun gave it to me! Please give it back!" I could feel my eyes started to get watery again.
"I don't want to," he said gently, as he close the distance between us.
I took a step back, "Why not?"
He took a step closer and held me by the waist to prevent me from stepping back once again. My heartbeat came rapid and I stared back at him in confusion.
"Because it was mine first before it's yours,"
My eyes shot wide. I don't know what's going on. What is he saying?
"Did you already forget about me, Ella?"
What?
"I thought you have feelings for me,"
Feelings?
"Why didn't you pay me a visit for almost a month?"
I had enough. "What are you talking about?!"
"I had the same problem you once had a year ago. I love to cook but my parents wanted me to take over the business. But I didn't let them control my life. I put up a small shop in the middle of a road and I came to love it. I love having a simple life. But then one night, I saw a lovely lady came in. She seemed to be thinking about something. But then, I saw her cry. I felt my heart being pinched. I fought the urge to approach her but she's just too angelic to ignore. I wanted to make her feel secured, and I did. We became friends. But then, as time goes by, I wanted to be something more to her. I wanted to be someone in her life. But when I was about to tell her I love her, when I was already ready to confess my feelings, she stopped coming over. She stopped caring. I thought she forgot about me,"
My mouth trembled lightly as I look at him. He paused and took the coin out from his pocket. "But I was wrong. Because I figured she's still keeping this," he continued.
I wasn't able to respond. I don't know what I feel.
Unable to think about anything else, I asked him the first statement that crossed my mind, "Why didn't you tell me before that you're a Wu?"
I could feel his arms tighten around my waist, drawing me nearer as if he's afraid that I would reject him because he wasn't honest with me, "I was afraid Ella. I don't know how you will react. It's not that I don't trust you. But I enjoy your company. I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose you just because I am me."
He burrowed his head in my shoulder and muttered softly yet sincerely against my ear, "I'm so sorry."
I broke away from his hug and turned to look at his eyes. For the first time since I knew him, I saw fear in them. Fear to lose me.
And I feel special.
Unable to contain my feelings any longer, I threw my arms on his neck and kissed him. Almost instantly, I could feel his strong arms hugging me to him. His hands are seeking and possessing. I could feel the butterflies in my heart doing somersaults. I love this feeling. I couldn't deny the fact that he feels so good. His lips are so soft and so sweet. He took control of the kiss I initiated and kissed me thoroughly, pressing me closer. I've never felt this complete. I don't care if I will be caged in a business empire, as long as I'm with him. It's more than enough.
--
And I know when it all began.
I came to believe in love at first sight.
Because that is my story.
Our story.
--
The first snow fell today.
Just like the first time I saw him.
The first time I fell in love...
Do you believe in love at first sight?
A friend once told me, “There’s no such thing as love at first sight. How could you fall in love with someone you don’t even know? That’s absurd!”
I remembered myself affirming on that statement. I believe that one has to undergo certain steps and tests in order to determine if you really love a person. Love at first sight is next to impossibility. It’s just mere attraction in the physical sense. Love is not involved.
That is, until the first snow fell one winter night…
Do you believe in love at first sight?
This is a story about two strangers who fell in love...
This is my story.
Our story.
CHOSEN SOUNDTRACK:
Two is Better than One Lyrics
-Boys Like Girls ft. Tailor Swift
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, thos could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one.
I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing
That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
Yeah, yeah
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought,
"Hey,"
Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one...
-1-
I shot him an unfriendly look when he offered his assistance in carrying my backpack. I'm not incapable!
"I'm not a damsel in distress, Choi Minho. I can manage and no thank you," I said and walked ahead of him, a compass and a map in my two hands.
I could hear him catching my steps and a few more seconds; we're walking side by side.
"You didn't get to participate last year. Too bad," he commented.
"Are you trying to start a conversation here? Sorry. Not interested," I rebutted. I don't even want to see his face. What more of a conversation with him?
But he ignored my lectures and continued, "The weather today isn't nice at all. Last year, it was all sunny and you could hear the chirping of the birds and the butterflies roaming around every bush."
I ignored him.
"I didn't even use my umbrella and raincoat that time," he said as he roams his eyes around him.
I ignored him again. Isn't this what he want? He wanted me to stay away from him as much as possible. I already did and I already am. What does he want now?
I kept mum and tried to search for a yellow flag somewhere. I know we're getting near. He did nothing the whole day than to narrate to me the uninteresting story about last year's Summer Camp. It's not like I asked him to tell me about it. I don't even want to remember it!
And now, we're here in the middle of the forest, trying to look for two more flags while here he is, continuing his story I'm not even listening to.
"...reached the river and..."
"What on Earth do you want?!" I screamed at his face. The most irritating part? He didn't even get affected. Instead, he smiled at me.
"I have fever," he said. My eyes shot wide and I tried to clear my throat.
"And so? I don't care," I said and continued walking again.
"I'm just trying to get back the way we used to treat each other before," he said as he looks at me, trying to catch my hasty steps.
"Aren't you the one who told me to stay away? Why are you doing this?!" I demanded exasperatedly.
"I--"
"Stop! I don't need your explanation. You're sick anyway," I said and continued my trail. I looked at the map once again and then back at the surroundings. Where on Earth is that flag?! It's getting darker.
I turned to him while walking backwards. "Don't you dare mention anything about getting back the way we used to treat each other before. You're the reason why it ended. How dare you ask for my friendship after what you said to me? How dare you accused me about taking advantage of you when it di--"
I stepped on something slippery and before I knew it, I was sliding down a steep slope. I screamed in fright. I didn't realize that I grabbed Minho with me. We fell on the ground together after bouncing, hitting and cutting through the thick bushes and sharp stones.
I fell on something hard. My body aches. Where are we?
I roamed my eyes around. It's not in the map. It's getting darker out and my backpack is all wet. I saw it floating in a small pool of water near me. I picked it up and saw all soaked. The extra tent, blanket, flashlight, camera and extra clothes are all soaked and wet. Thankfully I brought canned goods and a medicine kit with me.
Wait.
I feel some heavy pressure in my leg.
Choi Minho?
I tried to shake him to wake him up. "Hey. Wake up! Hey! Choi Minho!" but to no avail.
I pressed two fingers against his wrist to feel for pulse. He's just unconscious.
But his body is so hot.
I saw a bruise on his temple. He must've bumped his head somewhere that's why he's unconscious now.
"Hey... Hey!"
No response.
I took his backpack and looked for something that we may use. To my disappointment, he only brought a bottle of water and a flashlight.
I sighed, disappointed, and shook my head. I will be in-charge now. At least the flashlight is working.
I switched it on and placed it a few feet away from me. Thankfully we landed on a grassy plain. The enemy for tonight is the rain and the cold.
I carefully placed him in a better position. I took the tent and, though its nylon is a little wet, I assembled it and placed out stuffs inside.
I shook my head when I saw Choi Minho. How useless of him. He's the man here, after all. Now, our positions were reciprocated.
Slowly and carefully, I tried to get him inside the tent. It's getting colder out and droplets of rain hit my head. He's heavy, all right.
Panting, I zipped the tent close to shield us from the cold.
He looked so pale and his breathing is uneven. His clothes are a little wet too. And he has a temperature.
Connecting the dots, I carefully removed his soiled coat and wet sweater. But, what am I going to cover him with? He doesn't have extra clothes.
After minutes of pondering, I removed my coat and placed it around him like a blanket. I shivered in the cold and clutched my sweater closer. I reached over to open the canned goods I packed and ate some to aid my growling stomach.
After eating, I urged Minho to drink his medicine. This imbecile. Why did he join the camp if he's sick?
Lucky, lucky me. It's getting colder out and the rain was pouring harder.
I looked at Choi Minho. This idiot. He shoved me off and now I'm taking care of him. What an irony.
He took almost all the space inside the tent, which left me with no choice than to lie down beside him. Hopefully, he will get better.
-2-
I snuggled closer to the comfortable warmth enveloping me. It's been a while since I slept as comfortable as this morning. I don't want to wake up just yet.
But I felt some warm breeze against my forehead. Frowning, I opened my eyes to see what's going on.
I gasped when I saw myself pillowing my head on Minho's bare chest, my arm around him and his arm around my waist.
I tried to get up but he pulled me back again.
"What..."
"Shhh... let's stay like this a little longer," he whispered against my ear.
My mind was blank at the feel of the rise and fall of his chest, the steady beating of his heart, and the way his hand combed through my hair.
What is he doing?
But it felt so comforting.
I closed my eyes.
"I'm sorry for ignoring you. I wanted to talk to you but I was so guilty whenever I remember the time when I shoved you away," he begun as his hand grabbed mine.
"Sorry for everything Krystal. Will you give me another chance?" he said. I looked at him and I saw sincerity in his eyes.
But I'm afraid.
"You want to be my best friend once again?" I inquired. My voice is so soft like it was drowned by the fast beating of my heart.
Without another word, he flipped up until he was on top of me.
My eyes shot wide. "Wha--" I was immediately muted by his lips against mine. I tried to wriggle free from his embrace but my heart and my body doesn't want to break free. He kissed me in a sweet and gentle gesture that his warmth seeped through me once again. His scent lingered around me once again. Our breaths mingled together.
Before I knew it, I closed my eyes and responded to his kiss. I don't have any idea what I'm doing but this was something I've been dreaming for a year back. This kiss was the reason why I confessed to him. This kiss was the reason why our friendship was broken. And now, it's the reason why our friendship will be rebuilt again.
We broke the kiss and he looked at me tenderly. "No. I want to be more than friends," he said bravely.
My eyes widen in response and my mouth gaped open. Am I dreaming?
He chuckled and gave me a peck on the lips.
"I was the one who rescued you when you sprained your ankle last year," he said.
"Thank you for your pity," I remarked.
He shook his head. "It's not pity. I just... I don't know how to handle my feelings for you too. I didn't know that I need you so much until the time you started ignoring me. I felt so lost. Please... I need you back," it sounded like a plea.
He grabbed my hand and placed them on his chest, so that I can feel the rapid beating of his heart. He closed his eyes and I held my breath. "I love you," he said softly and sincerely.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I replied with a peck on his forehead.
He opened his eyes and stared at me lovingly. "Thank you for taking care of me last night. It seems like you're ready to be my wife."
I whacked his chest and he chuckled in response.
It all started with a dream of a kiss and ended with a real kiss. The memories were unraveled and confessions were made. And I know that my life will be so much better with him by my side.
-1-
The summer camp ended in a flash and I didn't get the chance to participate. Apart from I can't, because of my temperature, bruises and sprained ankle, I don't want to. He will be my partner for the rest of the game and I don't want that to happen. I don't want him to have the misconception that I'm taking advantage of his trust; that I'm using the activity to get closer to him. And I can't stay close with him throughout the whole camp knowing what he thought about me. He thought I'm disgusting when I the thought of taking advantage of him didn't even cross my mind for half a moment!
He just moved out of my house last week and I can feel the emptiness consuming me. I miss his company. I miss his sense of humour. I miss his way of pestering me. I miss his protective self. I miss his dumb answers to my trivia. I miss the way I ride at the back of his motorcycle. I miss laughing along with him.
I miss him. Period.
But I cannot demand more of his company. He hates me now.
It hurts and I can feel myself getting weaker. I feel like one of my legs are ripped and I couldn't stand alone. I need him for support. I need him back.
But he kept ignoring me whenever we meet at school. Today is another painful day. Everyday from that day at the camp had been a torture day for me. He's my seatmate and it's hard if your seatmate is ignoring you most especially if he was very close to you back then.
Whenever we meet each other at school, I would look at him, hoping that he would look at me too. Even a simple glance is enough for me but he didn't even look my way as if he doesn't even know me.
At this moment, I'm currently taking stolen glances at him. He's reading a novel. I know it's a romantic novel. He said that I need to read some too.
I smiled at the memory and tried to approach him, "Hey. Could I borrow one of your novels?"
But he ignored me. He didn't reply. He didn't even budge even for a little. He acted like he didn't hear me speaking at all.
I tried once more, "Minho. Could I borrow one of your novels? You know you used to ask me to read them back then?"
No response.
I reluctantly placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him a little. "Hey..."
No reply.
"Hey..."
"What?!" he finally said. It sounded more like a scream but he didn't look at me. His eyes are still on the book.
"Could I borrow one of--"
"Shut up Jung Krystal. Why are you bothering now, huh? Are you still trying to get my attention? Can't you see I'm reading? Have some manners!" He looked at me in a piercing gaze and then back at the book once more.
I was taken a back at his sudden outburst. Yes. I'm trying to get his attention. It's because I miss his company. I miss the way we used to treat each other before. Tears welled up in my eyes before I could control them. He's completely cold towards me.
I'm fed up. I'm trying my best here but he won't even give me a chance. Who does he think he is? I didn't even ask him to love me back! I can't let him treat me this way. No one deserves this kind of treatment! I didn't even want to love him but I do. And I can do nothing about it.
It's not my fault.
If he's living his life well without me and treated me like I don't even exist, fine. I can do so too. I don't need him, anyway. It's his loss; not mine.
I rushed out of the room, almost instantly, when the bell rang. Determination rushed through my system and I felt anger fuel me with new strength.
-2-
I'm a person with dignity and I don't allow any others to step onto my pride. Professor Kang took penance because of her self-declared negligence and let me off. He sent me home and I insisted that Minho should stay in the camp. I don't want to see him or be with him. He hurt me too much. I don't care if he rejected me. I can't take that because I know, though science didn't tell me anything close to what I'm experiencing right now, that I cannot force him to love me against his will. But he accused me about taking advantage of him. That hurt my pride and bruised my ego deeply.
I have every right in the world to hate him for that.
If he doesn't want me in his life, fine. I don't need him either. So what if he moved out of my house last year? I don't care. I can manage. I'm strong enough to take care of myself and settle a patent path for my future.
I sighed exasperatedly. Another Summer Camp! I hate it. The memory came rushing back and I don't want to remember even just a minute portion of it. We will be having the activity at the same camp, at the same place where my life was turned all upside down in a blink of an eye.
I woke up with the sun warming my face. I closed my eyes more and tried to shove away the annoying light. If only Professor Kang is not the one in-charge of the camp, I'm not going to join. That stout and bulky man portrays authority and I hate him for that. I'm just a student, after all.
I grumpily got out of my bed when the clock beamed six. My feet moved automatically and I opened the door of my room, only to find myself standing on the hallway. I frowned. A feeling of nostalgia and déjà vu rushed through me. There won't be anyone in the room next to mine now. I don't have to compute for the remaining time to prepare, I don't have to fluff myself to the cushion; I don't have to shout at the wee hours of the morning only to receive a frustrated groan of a sleepy man. There won't be any Choi Minho in the room next to mine.
Not anymore.
Who am I kidding?! That imbecile didn't even give a damn about me now. He doesn't care, so why do I?
The most frustrating part? He is my partner again for today's Summer Camp. As much as I don't want him to be my partner, I can do nothing about it. That professor Kang's brain has been deprived of Iron, I guess.
Sighing, I went inside and get ready for another torturous misadventure.
-3-
We arrived at the camp but I'm not the one seated next to him on the bus anymore. I insisted. I don't even want to see his face, which is always crumpled in an ungrateful angle whenever we meet.
Unlike the previous year, today is a little cloudy and windier. So much for summer season. I grudgingly put up my tent and settled my belongings inside. After all, this will be my last Summer Camp in this school and with him. At last, I'm in my last year. I'll be able to get away from this school and its haunted memories.
The atmospheric pressure is quite higher than usual. I wonder why Professor Kang scheduled the camp at this kind of weather. It's a little dangerous, in fact.
And unlike what I did last year, I was the one who sleep first over the other forty-nine students out there. I don't want to stay late at night and go crazy again, thinking about nonsense stuffs. What I need now is self-determination and autonomy; not those hideous realizations about irritating ideas.
I was slowly drifting off the slumber when I heard some sounds from the outside. I hurriedly pulled myself in a sitting position and tried to decipher what's happening. A few more noise that sounded like someone is pacing back and forth outside the opening of my tent.
With a racing heartbeat, I slowly and carefully unzipped the zipper until it has a small opening large enough for me to see the outside.
A familiar silhouette of a man came into vision.
I unzipped the tent totally and opened it fully. "What are you doing here?!" I demanded in audible repugnance. The other person stared at me in shock.
"You're disturbing my sleep. Go pace somewhere else!" I said and zipped the tent once more.
I was only half way on the zipper when he stopped me and held my hand. His eyes are not very visible through the darkness of the evening. "Let go, Choi Minho," I said as I shot him a burning gaze. How dare he disturb my sweet sleep? And to approach me? What does he want now?
He shook his head and his bangs followed the direction of his head like a pendulum, "No."
"What?" I can't believe what I heard. He's invading my privacy!
"Not until you hear me out," he said, his hand tightened its hold on mine.
My eyes narrowed and I shrugged his hand with all my might. When I succeeded, I told him, "Don't you dare disturb me again or I will declare to all about your attempted rape," I threatened him. He stepped back for a couple of inches away from me.
"See you tomorrow. After all, you're still my partner. And I'm Miss Unlucky," I said before closing the tent completely and drifted off to sleep. I heard his steps getting farther and farther away.
Glad he got the message.
The long ridges sparkled mightily under the high scorching sun. I never missed to take a shot at every magnificent natural landscapes flashed before me. I drowned my eyes at the sight of the green mountain ranges. They're all breath taking.
I was busily enjoying the serene moment when I felt something heavy dropped on my shoulder. I gasped and jumped a little simultaneously and turned to peak at who it was. Luckily, the camera didn't fall from my grasp. I turned slightly to peak at what happened through the corner of my eyes.
A special kind of scent enveloped me and soothed me from within. What is this feeling? I've never felt this... weird before.
Choi Minho?
Oh. He fell asleep on my shoulders. Great. How am I supposed to take a rest myself? We still have three hours to travel. I grimaced inwardly when he snuggled closer to me. What is this imbecile doing?
As much as I wanted to wake him up, something inside me is defiant. I looked at him once more and noticed how his fallen bangs offered me a blurred vision of his smooth cheeks, the thick frame of his lashes and the soft slant of his nose.
My gaze skimmed over his features, more dazzling and intoxicating than all the scenery I've seen. And what is this giddy feeling? Why is my heart beating faster? Why am I breathing irregularly?
I bit my lower lip and thought deeply. What is this physiologic reaction I'm having? Is it because of his close proximity? Is this really the love people are talking about? I thought that feeling is special. Special in a sense that I don't even know what it's like. I have no experience. But if this feeling is love, then why is it so simple? It's only a feeling of content and happiness.
Nothing more.
I shrugged the thought off. Maybe this is just my allergic reaction to the shrimp-flavoured chip he offered me. Yeah. That should be it. I nodded mentally and looked at him once more.
Why can't I take my eyes off of him? It's like I want to stare at him forever.
Forever? Wait. Where did that statement come from?
My eyes skimmed over his lips. They looked so soft and so kissable. His breathing is so calm and the way the light breeze from the outside dance with the soft strands of his spiky hair looked so inviting.
And his weight against my shoulder isn't overbearing.
In fact, it's quite comfortable...
-2-
I reached out to him. Slowly, I slid my hands and made them rest gently against his cheeks. Using my other hand, I brushed his bangs away to take a good stare at his closed, mesmerizing eyes. Surprisingly, my spectacles aren't as heavy as they were. From there, I shifted my gaze to his nose while tracing the smooth line of his jaw. I closed my eyes and leaned in. I can feel his warm breath fanning my lips as I approach him closer.
Just more... some more. A few more... My lips touched his lightly and I can feel his warmth seep through me. But he woke up. We stared at each other in shock and before I knew it, I could feel the world receding. Noise was everywhere and someone was calling my name.
"Jung Krystal!"
I gasped in air as I stared at the man who has identical features with the persona I was about to kiss just now. It took me a while to realize that it was a dream. Thankfully, it is.
"Hey. Are you okay?" he reached out to brush his thumb against my cheekbones and my lips trembled. Why did I dream about him just now? And I was kissing him!
My hand reached up to rest against my chest, throbbing in an aching manner. I took several deep breaths to compensate with my heart's demand for oxygen as it beats rather faster than usual.
"Krystal, are you okay?" I heard him repeat his question. I just continued staring at him, not knowing how to answer the question. I don't thing my brain can work properly after that dream. I almost kissed him! My best friend!
"We already arrived at the campsite. Sorry if I fell asleep on you. Are you tired? Do you want to rest?" he laid me with several questions. Concern was etched at every dent of his furrowed brow.
After a few moments of internalising, I failed. I tried to get up and managed to squeeze a few words to reassure him. I know that I'm not in the proper state of mind to think about that dream. "I need to rest," I said softly.
Hopefully, my mind will go back to normal after I take a few hours of sleep.
"What happened? Are you hurt? Do you feel sick?" he asked, supporting me as he tried to balance the weight of the backpacks on his shoulders.
I shook my head lightly but I didn't look at him this time, "Just a dream."
He chuckled lightly and said, "Nah. C'mon. Don't tell me you're taking a simple dream so seriously? I know the remedy to that."
I looked at him and waited for the remedy he's talking about. After all, real-life situations are his forte.
He looked back at me and placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him, "Food."
I rolled his eyes to him yet again and playfully whacked his chest. He chuckled as he watched me grabbing my trolley and headed out of the bus. I was serious and he tried to make a joke out of it. Oh yeah. He's Choi Minho after all.
Well, at least he was able to lighten the mood.
-3-
"Good evening students. You are fifty in number here so I don't expect you to wander off deep in the forest, okay? Let's work together. This summer camp aimed to develop your teamwork and creativity. But above all, we want you to have fun," Professor Kang announced when she gathered us around the bonfire. We just arrived at the real campsite after two-hours of walking through the forest until the dusk peaks through the dewy leaves.
"Tomorrow, we will start the three-day camp activity. We already assigned your partners and we expect you to stick with one another throughout the whole camp. You may rest for now and secure your belongings. We will start the activities tomorrow."
We nodded in understanding and prepared the tent we're going to use. Minho and I are going to sleep on separate tents. After all, we still have different chromosomes. XY and XX shouldn't be sleeping together if they're not yet married, right? I have to keep my logical mind all geared up to avoid myself from getting lost to his tempting lips like my dream. Thankfully it was just a dream.
When all of them are sleeping snugly on their respective tents that served as their shelter from the cold forest wind, I sneak out of my own tent quietly and laid a blanket on the moist grass.
I laid there, looking at the stars. It's summer so there are no rain clouds. The stars are very visible to human eyes and their twinkles made them look like a precious diamond, though I know that it's actually round in shape.
I know that I have to store my own energy for the activities tomorrow but I can't sleep. I love solitude and tonight is its very definition. The night is silent. So silent. And silence means peace. Or, is it really? After all, my heart is the only noisy one in the middle of the night. Its beating reflects guilt because of my dream. I'm in love with Choi Minho. My best friend.
And I'm guilty as charged.
I sighed.
They said that the forest is safe and free from any wild animals. I can't recall any attacks aired on the news since I was born. I already have my stuffs ready for tomorrow's activity. Those three days will be for treasure hunts. Nothing more.
I unconsciously ran my hands together. Instinctively, I realized that it's getting colder out. A warm piece of clothing was laid on me like a blanket. Shocked as I was, I shot my gaze up, only to meet his smiling face.
"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" he asked as he sat on the blanket beside me.
The noisy beating of my heart became louder on my ears than it already was. I forced myself to speak, "Nothing."
He frowned, "What happened to you? You're so quiet. You're normally very noisy." He chuckled a bit and I smiled my small smile.
"I'm still human. I possess XX chromosomes and I have the tendency to get sentimental too, you know?" I said, in all honesty.
"C'mon. Tell me what's bothering you," he urged and held my hand. I can feel his warmth envelope me in a calming cocoon. So comfortable.
He's my best friend, after all. Okay then. I trust him.
"I dreamed..."
"You dreamed about?"
I heaved a deep sigh.
"I dreamed about you..."
He looked at me and waited for me to continue.
"I dreamed of me..."
His hand tightened around mine when he noticed my difficulty.
"k-kissing you..."
I held my breath and his gaze remained locked in mine. I waited for his reaction.
"So?" is his simple response.
An eyebrow crooked higher than the other before I could stop them.
He chuckled. "Why are you so affected? Don't tell me you like me," he teased, his lips trimmed in a playful smirk.
A strayed hiccup break free.
Another one before I could stop them.
I don't know what to say. He's making a joke out of it like it's nothing to him at all.
I hope it's in my nature to lie.
When he got no response from me, he let go of my hand. His eyes widen in shock and darken in horror as if it's the most horrible thing on Earth. He slowly withdraw his proximity from me and looked at me in a disbelieving stare.
I felt scared. I don't know what to do.
Beyond my conscious thoughts, I grabbed his retreating hand. "No. Please. I don't know what's wrong with me or when it began. B-but... I don't know how to handle it anymore. I-I'm scared. I can't loose you Minho. P-please. It's not my fault. I tried to stop it. Believe me... I tried!" I said desperately. It sounded more like a plea.
But he shook his head defiantly, his lips stiff in a straight line. "But you let yourself feel something beyond friendship. You betrayed my trust!" he said in my face boldly.
"No!" I shouted almost immediately. "I just thought that you needed to know the truth. I don't know how to handle this feeling. I don't know anything about love. If only... if only I know that it is this painful... I wouldn't--"
"Stop it Jung Krystal! Don't you dare tell me how hurt you are! It's your fault! You broke my trust! Maybe it's the reason why you were so kind to me, right? Maybe it's the reason why you took me under your wing. You wanted me to yourself, don't you? You wanted to take adva—" I slapped him hard on the face.
Anger consumed me, "How dare you accuse me about such things!"
His looked at me sharply, matching my anger with his own, "I don't love you. And I will never love you. You don't even look good enough for me! You with your incredibly irritating spectacles! Stick to your books!"
I had enough.
I ran.
I don't care where my feet will take me. I ran deep in the forest. I don't care what will happen to me there. Logic embedded, heart shattered, mind blank. I don't know what to do. It's so painful. Science didn't tell me that it's painful to love. It didn't tell me that it can give me a bloodless bleeding. And it didn't tell me how to cure it.
Tears cascaded from my eyes to my pale cheeks. It's so cold but the pain I feel in my heart made me feel oblivious about the other stimulus gathered by my other senses.
There's only pain.
Pain alone.
I stumbled upon a protruding root of a huge tree and it blessed me with a sprained ankle and a few bruises here and there. I gasped as pain shot through me. I don't know where I am but I know at that I'm somewhere deep in the forest. I don't know how long I've been running or how many miles I was able to take. Nothing else matters as long as I get away from him - from Choi Minho - and his painful and mocking rejections.
I tried to crawl until I reached the trunk of the tree. I tried to support my back with it as I grabbed my throbbing ankle. The night is getting colder and I don't know if my body can take the gradual drop in temperature. All I'm wearing, aside from my spectacles, is my pink sweater, soiled pants, and sneakers.
At this time, I finally become aware of what happened. He rejected me. He doesn't care about me. He looked at me as if I'm the most tainted and disgusting person on Earth. He maliciously scrutinized my kind actions towards him. And he never bothered to follow me and know about my whereabouts. He didn't even call me back when he saw me running my way to the forest, though he knows how dangerous it is.
But I don't feel scared. In fact, I prefer to be alone in a deep forest with twisted foliage, tall grasses and thick leaves, than to see him looking at me disgustingly or avoiding me as if I'm infected with a serious disease.
The moon peeped its way through the thick forest leaves and reached my cheeks in a pale glow.
What will happen to me now?
My wristwatch read one in the morning. five hours more and they will be waking the students up, do the roll call and find me gone. I'm going to ruin the entire activity because they will be looking for me. I will be the one they're going to hunt instead of the treasures. Professor Kang will nag me endlessly and will send me for detention.
Choi Minho will ignore me.
Or look at me disgustingly.
And my world will crash.
-4-
I felt someone shaking me and hugging me from behind. The scent felt familiar. It's the scent that I've familiarized myself with for a very long time. What is it doing here?
"Krystal? Are you alright? Wake up now, please? I'm so sorry," someone whispered in my ears. An angel's voice.
Am I dead?
But I cannot open my eyes. I feel so weak and so cold. I shivered lightly and snuggled closer to the warmth enveloping me. I don't know what's going on, or who the person is, but comfort and warmth is all I need for now.
Something enveloped me in a comforting warmth and the scent was there. I sniffed it satisfyingly and mumbled his name, "Minho..."
I heard the person affirmed my statement. Maybe it's just my imagination. He's not here. He wouldn't be here. He loathes me. He doesn't want my love for him. He doesn't need me.
Something brushed against my ankle and I winced. I can feel myself being lifted from the ground. I forced myself to peak. It took all my energy to see who the person was.
And a blurry vision of the person who's name is carved deep in my heart flashed before my eyes before I fell into deep oblivion.
The sun hit my tired eyes unforgivably as it peaked through the soft blinds of my curtain, waking me up to start a new day. Days have never been this tiring. I looked at the clock and realized that I only had three hours of sleep. Being a hard-core photojournalist of the University's school paper isn't easy, most especially at moments when the issuance of a new magazine is getting to the deadline.
But still, a part of it is okay. I love photography. It's my life.
Capturing the beauty of life is my hobby. And I never get tire of it. There are lots of beautiful things in this world that meet the eye but only few have the ability to appreciate them. I'm glad I'm of them.
It's six o'clock in the morning. I have to hurry up or I'll be left out. Why do they have to schedule the annual summer tour in such a date? I have lots of papers to accomplish and they're stacked about a foot high on my study table. That stout, bald, shabby man we call our dean really love to make things complicated. Good for him who's always sitting on his swivel chair, doing nothing other than signing papers. And he does have a logical choice. It's either he would sign those paper works after tainting out a large portion of the paper with an incredibly huge "REWRITE" red mark or throw them on to join his canopy of overlapping crumpled papers on the trash basket.
He doesn't have a thing with nerdy girls and guys, that's why I, like the other three in the University, always get the harsh treatment. We're almost faced-out. Our kind, that is. And he doesn't even give tribute to reconsider in order to preserve the nerdy specie of dedicated students.
Wait, I still have to wake up that pea-headed best friend of mine. He's one of my liabilities. Yeah. Liabilities. One of the thousands.
I barged in the room next to mine and fished for the spare key of his room. This is my house so I have keys to every other room. Besides, there are only three rooms in this house. One, occupied by me. Next is occupied by Minho. And the other one? Oh. It's a small guestroom.
Like what I expected, Choi Minho is still sound asleep. He covered his whole body with the comforter and a pillow is above his head. I bet he's already expecting me nagging him to no end. It's like his eyes are all glued that he can't even open them up if his hours of sleep is less than 15 hours.
A heavy sleeper, he is.
"Choi Minho! Wake up now! We only have forty-five minutes to prepare for the trip! Nine minutes and forty-eight seconds to brush your teeth, ten minutes and seventeen seconds to take a bath, six minutes and thirty-two seconds to dress up and that left us with eighteen minutes and thirty three something seconds to rush to school using your motorcycle if you're gonna run it in sixty miles per hour. We still have to minus my approximately five minutes of talking and computing on air here, so that left us with barely thirteen minutes and thirty three something seconds to rush to school using your motorcycle if you're gonna run it in sixty-three miles per hour on a semi-heavy traffic," I narrated while I kept my eyes piercing through the person curled in deep slumber under the cover of the striped black, white and blue comforter.
He doesn't seem perturbed at all! Oh that's it!
One.
Two.
Three!
I fluffed down next to him on the bed, causing the springs to bounce him off the bed. A loud thud created by my forty-nine kilogram figure echoed in the room, followed by a frustrated groan of a grumpy man.
"Jung Krystal!!!"
I laughed mightily and turned to reach the door. Unfortunately, he's faster than my 50 inches per second velocity and caught me by the waist, only to tickle me mercilessly.
I laughed hysterically, not knowing what to do. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go. "Hey! S-stop-p it-t!" I begged in between laughs.
"That's what you get for disturbing my sleep. I'm dreaming about my dream girl, do you know that? And you cut it out exactly on the scene when I'm about to kiss her!" he said, tickling me some more.
"S-stop! I-I'm sorry but... b-but we're gonna b-be... l-late!"
He stopped his actions and I was relieved. He asked, "For what?"
I rolled my eyes on him while trying to steady my breathing and said, "For the Annual Summer Tour you dummy!"
"Oh shoot!" his eyes widen as he looked at the clock and scrambled to the bathroom when he finally released me completely.
Yeah. He's always like that. And I'm used to it since he invaded the privacy of my domain two months ago. He got kicked out of the boy's dorm for not paying the bill for three consecutive months. His fault, you know? He bought a motorcycle with the money he's supposed to pay the dorm keeper.
But it's quite advantageous on my part. Apart from having company, I can also have a free lift to school.
-2-
"Good morning people! It's already seven sharp. Please hurry up and load yourselves and your belongings in," Professor Kang announced.
That was a relief. At least we arrived two-minutes before the departure time. I was seated next to Minho. He was kind enough to offer me the seat near the window. He knows that I love sceneries.
But he doesn't know that I love him too.
I don't know when it started but I can't be mistaken. I'm a nerd, yes. I have thick-rimmed spectacles, incredibly bad sense of humour, dark and dull hair. How would someone who's my total opposite fall for me? I don't even have that much charm. People pass by me as if they don't see me at all. They can only see me during examination weeks. Mind you, it's not because they needed a tutor. It's because they needed me to coach them the questions during examinations. Well, I got used to it somehow.
I don't even know how Choi Minho got interested in being friends with me. It's not that I don't like being friends with him, but I'm just curious. I get emotional at times too, you know. After all, I still consider myself human.
"Hey. I want to ask you something," I said as I look at him.
He looked at me and offered me a pillow, "You can ask me anything but not one of those trivia, again. Please."
I laughed at his reaction as I reached for the pink pillow. I hugged it tightly and buried my face in its softness. Well, he had anticipated it wrongly. Yes. I love asking him trivia to make use of the time. He would always make a face when I ask him those. Most of them are general knowledge, though. And we're only high school students so it's useful. Out of the hundreds of trivia I asked him, his right answers are just enough to fill the spaces between my fingers. Don't give me that face. He may be dumb when it comes to class but when it comes to real life, it's my turn to be dumb. And he's my tutor.
I smiled when I recalled the time when he thanked me for answering a question correctly. It was one of the trivia I asked him that happened to be the question he picked during our recitation.
"Don't worry. I don't want to spoil your mood today. After all, we're supposed to enjoy this trip," I assured him as I stare directly on his eyes.
He nodded in affirmation, "Yes. Truly. Now, about the question?"
I nodded in contemplation and thought about how I'm supposed to deliver the thought using the proper words. I have the tendency to get paranoid sometimes, "Do you even wonder how we became friends?"
He looked at me with mouth hanging open. I bet he hadn't expected me to ask such a question. After a while, I heard him laughing out loud.
I frowned in confusion. I never thought that it sounded more like a joke to him. I thought it was a solemn question. A sentimental one. "What is so funny?"
He shook his head helplessly. "Nothing but... what has gotten into you?"
I snorted in his face, "Is it an insult or a compliment?"
"Neither," came his short reply.
"Just answer the question already!" I demanded impatiently. He really have the tendency to annoy me when he doesn't understand me. I don't even know how we became the best of friends. Aside from our obviously huge difference in IQ level, we also have very different views about life. We have different hobbies. We have different interests. We have different goals.
I sighed when he succeeded in stilling his abnormal breathing. "Well, no I don't."
I felt a sudden surge of pain pinched my heart. I froze as I feel the pain radiate and intensify. It's like the feeling when salt is rubbed on your open wound. I frowned. I thought the heart has no pain receptors.
I unconsciously rubbed my chest.
"Why?" I forced myself to ask as I tried to look directly at him. I felt like I'm the only one concerned about our friendship. Come to think of it. He doesn't even care how everything started!
"Because it's not even something needed to be dug in the first place! I'm contented about our friendship, okay? Why bother about the other details?" he told me frankly and boldly.
I don't understand. If something is important to you, you must take time in understanding how and why things happened the way the did so that you will be familiarized with every detail. "I don't get it. You're contented though you don't even know the whole thing in the first place?"
He nodded numbly and unzipped his bag to get some chips. He offered me one but I refused. "No thanks."
"By the way, that's a question that demands an explanation," I added, pertaining to my earlier statement. I know that he forgot about it once again.
He looked at me and said, "Why do you always wonder about the simplest of things?"
I looked at him grimly, "So our friendship is 'simplest' to you?"
He rolled his eyes and I scoffed loudly. "Jung Krystal! I should lend you some novels, you know?! You're too much of the scientific sense! Science can't explain everything," he told me.
I nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I know that. In fact I experienced one just now," I said as I looked outside the window.
"Really? What is it?" he asked nonchalantly.
"With the tone of your voice, it seems like you're not interested. You're just forcing yourself to ask me what it is so that you won't feel sleepy while traveling the five-hour ride up to the campsite, aren't you?"
His eyes immediately shot at me, wide in confusion. "You know, you really have the tendency to over analyze things. Just because I'm not looking at you when I said those words doesn't mean that I'm not interested," he countered.
I adjusted my spectacles, "Don't give me that. Do you remember our lesson two months and three days ago in English? Communication. How would you know if someone is interested in the topic? Of course he or she is looking at you intently."
His mouth twitched in a distorted angle and combed his hand on his messy-styled hair. "I was able to rebutt your views, you know? Tell me how I was able to do it if I wasn't listening all along?"
I raised a brow at him and my spectacles dropped to my nose, "I didn't say you weren't listening. I said you weren't interested. They're two different things, you know?"
He sighed. Defeated. I raised my spectacles again and smiled in triumph.
"Believe whatever you want to believe in. Just tell me what it is," he said.
"Fine. About ten minutes ago, I felt like something pinched my heart. I don't know. I thought the heart has no pain receptors?"
He looked at me intently, "Really? Your heart was hurt? Like it was broken?"
I nodded, contemplating the feeling once again.
"What?"
"It's normal. You're heart-broken."
I frowned. "My heart's broken?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Like you're hurt because someone said something that hurt you."
I frowned again, "What?"
He shrugged his shoulders at me.
"I thought hypothalamus is the one responsible for our emotions. Not our heart. If someone said something that hurt me, shouldn't it be my brain that would hurt?" I asked him innocently.
He rolled his eyes again and looked at me. He opened his mouth to say something but eventually shut it close and shook his head.
I frowned again and looked outside the window. I was missing the scenery! I hurriedly fished for my camera and took several shots.
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