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The warm caress of the afternoon sun touched my cheeks in a friendly gesture. The breeze is just lovingly refreshing, as if gearing me up for a new day of intense practice sessions. We've been practicing for next week's competition for a month already and I do not know if our hard work will pay off.
Still, I hope it will.
After all, we're all giving our best during practices. Who wouldn't? Especially when you have that Hwang Chansung as your dance instructor? I can still remember his sharp criticisms and painful feedbacks to me yesterday.
I always give my best during practices but it's not my fault that I accidentally twisted my feet in the middle of a difficult stunt. Hey! It's not like I am an expert in ballet. I'm still a novice. I originally am a hip-hop dancer but the competition next week is a ballet one so we have no choice. I have quite a few backgrounds with ballet dancing but they're not enough to meet the qualifications of that grumpy dance instructor of ours. We're just of the same age but he's the president of our dance club so he's the one taking charge of everything. And everything includes the unending lectures about how lousy and eye irritating my moves are.
He could've just assisted me and told me how to do it properly. It's not easy to switch from hip-hop to ballet, nor is it easy to convert rough moves to graceful ones.
His horrible criticisms fueled me with perseverance so I practiced at home last night and my tendon almost tore in the process. I don't want to disappoint him again. Moreover, I don't want to be a constant burden to my co-dancers. I can feel them giving me death glares whenever Hwang Chansung asks us to repeat everything from the top.
I entered the hall cautiously. Everyone is preparing for the practice. It's quite confusing, in fact. Why are they practicing for the practice, anyway? That doubles the agony.
I placed my stuff in the locker and started getting ready. The exact moment I finished stretching, our instructor came in. At the sound of the door screeching, I turned at the person who just walked in and realized that he's looking my way all along. Who am I talking about here? Hwang Chansung.
He clapped his hands twice, indicating us to get into formation. I jogged to my place as fast as I can before something undesirable happens. The music started playing in the background.
"From the top guys," he said. "This time, I want everything perfect. Next week will be the competition proper. I don't want you slipping and twisting your ankles while doing the stunts," he threw a sardonic look at me and then back at the team again. "That would taint our reputation."
I scoffed mentally. This time, you want everything perfect? You always want everything to be perfect. You're a perfectionist when it comes to the theatrical things but your life is a mess!
How ironic could that be?!
I can never forget the time Kwon Jaemin, my best friend, came to me in tears. She was Chansung's girlfriend and they broke up a year ago. Jaemin saw Chansung hugging another woman from behind and, hurt as she was, she broke everything off between the two of them the day after. She cannot even bear to ask him for an explanation.
I'm glad, though, that Jaemin saw that someone's better off for her instead of Chansung. Proud as I am, Jaemin already moved on with another guy, someone who deserves her better.
We glided across the dance floor according to the beat and harmony of the soft music. I gave my best in the turning and twisting but I lost my footage in the next jump, making me lose my balance and bumping with another dancer.
I cringed inwardly, anticipating for the worse. Why on Earth did I lose my footage on that jump?! I practiced last night and everything just seemed so perfect! What happened just now?
A shrill derogatory voice from behind snapped me out of my thoughts, "What is happening to you, Rinri?! What's with those feet of yours?! Aren't you even ashamed that you're the only one who's pulling all our performances down?"
He turned to glare at me and said, "Such a nuisance."
My heartbeat was furious against my rib cage. How dare he tell me that I'm a nuisance! I'm giving my best in here!
"From the top," he declared, shooting me an angry glance.
I drew a deep breath before getting to my feet. It's really hopeless.
Before I knew it, our practice was already finished. But I still have some unfinished business I have to settle. I saw Hwang Chansung preparing his belongings; getting ready to head out. Without further thoughts, I walked towards his direction, my head held high in a confident tilt.
"I want to speak with you," I said, trying to keep my face prim.
He turned to me and arched a brow up. "Yes, Miss Twisted feet?" he replied.
Though I'm already fuming inside, I tried to be calm. "I just want to ask why you're always giving me the most difficult stunts and whenever I cannot make it, you tend to embarrass me to the whole club by criticizing me with your degrading words," I said, my face is blank from any emotion. I don't want him to know how hurt I've become.
He faced me fully and said, "I gave you the easiest stunts, Rinri. And even the easiest, you cannot handle. Do you really consider yourself as a dancer?"
I can feel colour creeping to my cheeks. How dare he doubt my credibility?!
"As a matter of fact, I do. Because being a dancer isn't only about having a perfect set of feet. It's about dedication and commitment," I said firmly, as if trying to clear his clouded judgement with my words.
Instead of getting the desired reaction I was expecting to get from him, I got nothing but a cynical laugh. He laughed in my face and once he's done, he muttered while sending me an insulting gaze, "You're lousy. Just like your best friend."
I was fueled with rage when I heard him bringing up the issue about my best friend. I gritted my teeth in anger when I remembered what he did to her. I can take it, no matter how derogatory his words come out, if it's only me whom he's trampling on. Just... don't mention my best friend.
I can feel my hand stiffen and without warning, I gave him a sharp slap on his left cheek. He looked at me with burning eyes that matched my angry ones. I challenged him through my sharp, intense gaze. I said through gritted teeth, "I can take whatever you say to me but don't you dare bring Jaemin up in here. She deserves better. She hates you."
I took a step back, clutching my bag with my right hand. "And I loathe you," I continued, before completely turning my heels and head home.
His guts! That thick-faced moron! Who does he think he is?!
I made my way to the dark alley that leads the way to my apartment. My right hand is still red from the slap I gave him. I guess I slapped him pretty hard. I don't regret a single thing, though. He deserves everything he got. It's worth it. Or maybe, it's worth more. I want to give him a twin slap on both cheeks to flatten his always-fuming face!
Still, I cannot get over what he said to me. How dare he involve Jaemin in all of these?! She deserves better! And he's talking like everything had been Jaemin's fault! He has no right to get mad in one way or another. He's the one who cheated her and now, he's still has it in his decaying guts to get mad?!
I kicked a strayed stone in frustration and it rolled its way until it left my sight. How can everyday be an unlucky day?
How can I continue dancing without meeting him? Without being criticized by someone as heartless as him? It's my fault, anyway. Why did I have to vote him with he ran for presidency? If only he'd showed his real attitude back then, I wouldn't think twice in voting his opponent.
I was busy with my soliloquy that I didn't realize someone was making his way towards me from the opposite part of the alley.
I frowned.
I cannot remember a guy about my age ever crossed this alley.
Another frown made its way on my brow.
Because he's not alone. Another one came out of the shadows.
I can feel my heart palpitating in a nervous rhythm.
Another one appeared; his hand in the pocket of his jacket.
Looking from one guy to another, I can feel my lips turning numb. Instinctively, I turned my heels, ready to go back but another set of guys met my vision. There is another three of them. I looked from one side to another, my eyes reflecting horror. Their footsteps are fast approaching. Spotting a smaller alley in front of me, I clutched my bag tighter and made my way to it as fast as I could.
Beads of cold perspiration are seeping out of my pores and my breathing came fast and shallow from nervousness. I cannot think of anything coherent in this very moment. The only thing that my mind is focused about is getting away from the unknown persons as much as possible. There isn't any light and I cannot see a single thing. It's so dark yet the darkness didn't lessen my speed. I accidentally stumbled in a pile of barrels and I lost my balance. I fell on the wet cement hard. Wincing, I tried to stand as fast as I could. I looked back and I saw them running after me. All the six of them. My heart rate doubled in duration and intensity. My eyes are eclipsed with horror about what may happen.
But I guess the unlucky encounter with Chansung later this day wasn't the end. I reached the end of the narrow alley... and to my dismay, there's nothing else but a tall wall.
The next thing I knew is that a flashlight is spotted on my face. It's so bright that I cannot recognize the face of my possible attackers.
"What do we have here?" I heard a deep voice echoed in my ears.
"HyunSeung, what do you think?"
"Ask the leader. Doon Joon will know what to do," the one with the name HyunSeung said.
I frowned. What are they talking about? What are they planning to do to me?!
"Y-you... You can get my money. My bag o-or everything. Just p-please don't hurt-t m-me..." I begged with my literally shaking voice. I stretched my hand and offered them the bag I was clutching.
But the group didn't even entertain my offer.
"Jun Hyung, you have a better idea? You're already tired of the sex slave you have in your closet, right?" someone from among the group asked. I think he's their leader.
My eyes widen in horror. What do they mean 'sex slave'?!
I can see a silhouette of someone making his way towards me. His hands are in his black leather jacket. I cringed in fear. What will become of me now?
The guy squatted before me and held my trembling chin. I tried my best to shove him away but he didn't even budge. I can feel him scrutinizing me as he turned my face from side to side.
"Yo Seob, she's not my type. I bet she's not good in bed," the Jun Hyung guy said. I sighed mentally in relief, despising the comment.
The flashlight traveled through my body and I held my legs together in response. I bet he's the one named Yo Seob.
"If only Chansung didn't quit the group... he'd always described his interest to have long brown hair, slim body and innocent eyes. Pity..." Yo Seob said, his eyes hidden in the darkness. "I'll take her, though. She'll do for tonight."
Before the guy holding the flashlight can take another step towards me, I forced myself to ask, "What do you mean Chansung?"
The guy gave me a sly grin, "Hwang Chansung was our leader. He quit the group last month. You can ask me whatever you want as long as you join me in bed tonight."
I protested by kicking and punching when he laid his hand on my shoulder. I shrieked in horror as I try to free myself from his grip.
What will become of me now? I don't want to be a victim of some horrid gang! And Chansung?! That guy... was a part of this gang once?! The revelation tainted my impression to him even more.
Just as I was trying my best to shrug away from the hands that are possessively seeking their way over my body, a familiar manly voice echoed in the darkness of the night, "Let go of her."
My eyes turned to look at the intruder, feeling my hopes being lifted rather higher.
I squinted my eyes, trying to see who my possible saviour was.
"Who... Who are you? Please help... please help me..." I said in a helpless plea.
"Ah... Chansung. What brought you here?"
I can feel my heart sink at the mention of his name. I don't know what will happen next.
Chansung remained silent.
"You want her to yourself? Why not? Just come back to the group."
"Shut up Doo Joon. I gave you my word weeks ago," Chansung's cold voice reverberated. I've never heard his voice so calm and yet so ferocious at the same time.
"I quit BEAST and I will never go back. There's more to life than doing savage things," he said.
Before I knew it, a guy lunged over him and attempted to give him a punch. The darkness of the night made me oblivious of what was actually happening. I cannot see clearly and all I know is that they are fighting. Six against one.
I can feel concern for Chansung welling up my heart. Will he be alright after this? Can he beat the guys all alone?
I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw the guys scramming away. Chansung was a good one, indeed. But nonetheless, I didn't know what he will do to me.
He kneeled before me and laid his hands over my shaking shoulders.
"Go away..." I murmured, my head feeling dizzy.
But he didn't. Instead, he slid his strong arm under my knees and one in my back. He lifted me up. I was too tired to even protest. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy.
The only thought that's running in my head over and over again is...
"Why?"
The rays from the morning sun peeped its way to my tired eyes. Slowly, I tried to get up, contemplating what happened and how I end up in my apartment safely. The last thing I remember is Hwang Chansung's face.
I sat at the edge of my bed while holding my head in between my hands.
"You're finally awake," my head snapped up towards the owner of the strangely familiar voice.
"What are you doing here?!" I asked; my voice is strong in its repugnance.
I watched as he walked his way to the couch situated at the edge of my room. His messy spiky hair is covering half of his weary eyes. He looked like he didn't sleep at all.
"What are you doing here?!" I repeated my own question.
Instead of answering me, he leaned back comfortably at the couch and closed his eyes. I felt insulted.
"Hwang Chansung, I want you out of my apartment this instant!" I shouted in a firm tone.
"That's what you're going to say to me after I rescued you? How grateful of you," he said softly.
I gritted my teeth. How dare he flaunt over my face with his act last night! "I didn't ask you to rescue me, did I?"
He tilted his head to one side and remained silent.
I sighed in resignation. There's no point arguing with this chivalrous idiot.
"Ah! I see. You were a part of that group that's why you have it in your blood the same filthy traits they have. You with your sharp criticisms!" I remarked boldly and turned to get out of my room.
I was about to turn the open the doorknob when a hand held me firmly on my elbows.
"What--"
"You don't know a lot of things about me," he said.
"I don't care about who you are and I'm not interested in getting to know you," I rebutted.
"You won't say that especially because it has something to do with your best friend," he stated. A frown made its way to my brow. What does he mean? I hate how he made me curious about his personality. I don't care about who he is and what he's capable of but when it comes to Jaemin, I cannot help but be worried.
I sighed, "Fine. Tell me about it."
He shook his head lightly, "No, Rinri. You have to win the Crystal Arabesque tomorrow first."
"What?!"
He kept mum and strolled out of my apartment callously.
I was left inside my room, hyperventilating. What does he mean?! Why do I have to win the Crystal Arabesque? Why is it so important to him?! And what does it have to do with anything?!
The unending applause from the crowd didn't help in calming my palpitating heart. I rubbed my hands together to ease the coldness enveloping them. Everything could've been over if only Hwang Chansung didn't announce to our group that I will be taking the place of the solo because his partner accidentally strained her ankle in the last leap during the group competition. I was thankful because I didn't mess up my moves during the group. Now, what am I supposed to do? I will be doing the solo and I have no idea what's going on in Chansung's mind! He just has that stupid sly smile plastered on his lips! Darn him for putting me into this!
I will be doing the solo. What am I supposed to do?!
I have no choice but to do my best in the twirling and all. I'm doing this for Jaemin, though a part of me wanted to know the mystery behind the real Hwang Chansung. As hard it is for me to admit, I am curious about his real identity. I want and I need to win the Crystal Arabesque tonight or he will keep his mouth shut.
I heaved a deep breath when our names were already announced. We will do an interpretative ballet.
Chansung held my hand and I glared at him. He smiled in response. How ironic. I'm completely clueless about what's in his thoughts. But this isn't the right time to wonder about it.
I tried my best to portray my sweetest smile to the crowd.
The song was "Angel's Brought Me Here" and we have to interpret it.
I have no practice and I'm going to do it impromptu. Chansung promised to guide me along, though.
The music started to flow and I began to twirl on my tiptoes. I tried my best to interpret the song through my moves. I have to be gentle and graceful. And as much as I hate it, I have to pretend that I'm so in love with Chansung. I have to have soft eyes, which are eclipsed with intense longing and love for him. I have to hold him possessively against me.
The chorus started to play and he held me by the waist tight, his eyes are soft and are staring at me in an intensity that surprised me. He drew his face close to me. He's so close that his minty breath fanned my cheeks and his lips are sending me butterfly kisses all over my face. I lifted my hand and laid them over his left cheek gently and gracefully. He leaned in my touch and closed his eyes. He twirled me over and dipped me over before holding me in his arms again.
His hand made its way to my thigh and he gently guided it until it's circling his waist. I cannot protest. We're in the middle of the competition so I have no choice but to play along. I circled my arms in his neck and drew him nearer. I can smell a fragrance so unique. I cannot remember smelling it from anywhere else but from him.
The music continued to play and the lights changed from light pink to a hue of light blue to silvery beams. Smoke covered half of our body, adding effects to the feeling we're trying to portray. I do not know but having him so close to such proximity is starting to get to me. My heart is reacting to his touch.
Before we knew it, I can hear the crowd applauding and cheering over us.
My heart warmed when I heard their voice. It fueled me with determination and slowly, it dissolved the nervousness I feel. I smiled longingly at my partner and he did the same as we move our body along with the gentle harmony of the music.
The song ended before I knew it. I smiled at the cheering crowd and bowed gracefully with Chansung holding my hand high.
We headed backstage where the rest of the group were.
"That was so great, Rinri!"
"Thanks, Nichkhun," I smiled gratefully.
Taecyeon extended his hand and gave me a warm handshake, "How was it for an unrehearsed number? That was so graceful!"
"Yeah. I can feel the song with the way you move with Chansung!" complimented the smiling Wooyoung.
"Thanks a lot guys," I said sincerely.
"I was getting carried away. It made me wonder if that was interpretative or that was real."
"Oh stop joking around Kim Junsu," I glared at him playfully.
After the small chat I had with the guys, we waited for the announcement of the winner.
Nervous as I am, I settled on one corner and bit my lower lip. It doesn't matter. Win or lose, I gained another experience. I never thought that I can do the solo extempore.
"Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We have the results now," the hosts announced.
I can feel my heart rate intensifying. My stomach is circling in an uncomfortable manner. I can feel my head forming beads of sweats.
"The Crystal Arabesque goes to..."
On the way home, Chansung told me to ride with him. He promised to tell me everything about it. I won the Crystal Arabesque trophy and he has to keep his promise.
I kept silent all throughout the ride. I still cannot explain why my heart beat rapidly when we were at the stage. Having his body close to mine and how my body reacted was something I cannot explain either. Why am I reacting this way?! No. I have to stop myself.
"Congratulations," he said.
I scoffed lightly and turned to him. I never expected him to congratulate me. Based from the way he treated me before, I never thought he has it in him to praise someone.
"I proved it to you that I can also do it," I said without looking at him. I kept my eyes trailed on the road. The night is dark as we head back.
After a short pause, he said, "I know you can..."
Curiosity hit me. What's happening and why is he acting so strangely?
"What kind of air got into you?" I asked. My brows pulled together in wonder. Since when did he become kind?
Little did I notice that he drove me to an unfamiliar road.
"Where are we?" I asked, desperately demanding for an answer.
But Chansung never failed to frustrate me to no end. He stopped and went out of the car. My eyes followed his figure. I went out of the car myself. The moon was full and silvery and the sky was cloudless. The coldness of the night seeped through my thin sweater but I tried my best to control my shivering.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," Chansung said, his eyes looked so distant.
"You didn't hurt me. You hurt Jaemin," I countered, keeping my hands balled inside the pockets of my pants in an attempt to warm them a little.
"She's the one who broke off with me," he said.
I taunted bitterly, "Because she saw you hugging another girl! What do you expect?!"
His eyes remained hidden in the shadows and I cannot see the expression he has in his face. He leaned back the car and sighed, "We weren't hugging. We were practicing for a dance but your friend didn't even listen to me when I was trying to explain everything to her."
My brows furrowed, wondering if I heard him right. "What?" I managed to whisper.
"Yes," came his short reply.
I swallowed the lump forming on my throat. If he's telling the truth, then it only means that I misjudged him. I should've heard him first before judging him. My fault... "I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked gently.
"I said horrible things to you without hearing you out," I reasoned, lowering my head in shame.
"Yeah. You should be sorry," he said monotonously.
And for that, I smacked his arm. Hard.
He flinched and rubbed his arm. "What was that for?!" he seethed.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?!" I rebuked.
"You hurt me," he reasoned.
"Of course I did!" it's not like I'm denying it either.
"No. You hurt me so you should be sorry," he said, turning to look at me.
I wrinkled my brow in response, "Do you wear your heart on your sleeve?"
He shook his head lightly, "No Rinri. I treated you badly because I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me."
What does he mean by that? He was the one hurting me for the past months.
"I don't understand. I cannot even remember doing so--" he cut me off.
"I don't really love Jaemin but I tried to love her. You see, she doesn't trust me one single bit," he said.
I kept quiet, waiting for him to continue.
"You're the one I really want to pursue but I know that you don't have feelings for me. You weren't even hurt when Jaemin and I started dating..." he said. Bitterness was evident in his voice. I can feel my lips trembling slightly at the uncovered truth.
"Then, Jaemin broke our relationship," he continued, releasing a frustrated sigh.
"Still, you were oblivious," he said while shaking his head, as if trying to contemplate what happened. "And I started hating you and hurting you by giving you the difficult steps in the dance."
"But up until now, I still have to convince myself that I hate you. But no. These overwhelming feelings I have for you won the battle," he said helplessly.
"I... I wanted to end my suffering. I've been holding on to these feelings I have for you for two years. I cannot take it anymore. I decided that if you win the competition, I'll confess to you. If you don't, I'll leave you alone and I'll transfer to another school..."
"But you won..."
He sighed.
"So here I am..."
"What?" I was puzzled by all the revelations left uncovered. So that explains why he hated me.
Before I knew it, he turned to face me.
"You know what? I quit the gang for you. It's been a month since Jaemin broke my heart and it's been two years since you're breaking my heart. I decided that I want to be a better person for you," he said. I can feel the sincerity in his voice tugging at my heart,
"It doesn't matter how you'll take it. I just want you to know, " he asserted sadly and opened the door for me to enter.
I was shocked and for a moment, I do not know how to react. I never thought that the emotions I felt for him when we were dancing, the way my body reacted to his touch, the way I held him against me... they were all interpretation, and not of the song but of the real feelings I have for him
The longing in his eyes when he looked at me then, the way he held my body against him, the way he caressed my skin gently, the expression of love he had in his eyes when we were dancing... they weren't simple interpretation because he was obliged to do so by the song.
They were all real.
And that ignited a spark from within my heart I never knew was already there.
"Get in. It's getting late. I'll take you home," he said, sadness was apparent in his eyes no matter how he tried to conceal it with a forced smile.
I drew a deep breath and said firmly, "No."
"What?"
I spun him around and pinned him against car. He looked at me strangely.
"I hate you," I said, my look in his eyes is unwavering.
He looked away and swallowed hard. Blinking his tears away, he muttered without looking at me, "I.... I understand..."
"I hate you," I repeated.
"I..."
"I hate you," I repeated once again, leaving him no room to talk.
He gave me a flustered look and began to explain desperately, "Look, it's not my fault that I fell for--"
"I hate you for being a coward!" I exclaimed.
"What?"
I walked out. How can he be so dumb?!
I was about to enter the car but a hand grabbed me firmly by the elbow. He spun me around and made me face him.
"What do you mean?" he asked. His voice is desperately seeking for an explanation.
"What I mean?" I copied his question.
But I will not give him any more explanation.
Balancing in my tiptoes, I kissed him lopsidedly on the lips. It was just a quick, gentle, affectionate peck but I delivered to him all the explanation he needed through it.
I stared at him and he looked at me in an intensified stare that warmed my heart. Smiling widely to himself, he held me by the waist securely and pulled me in for a breathtaking kiss. He held me possessively against him and kissed me thoroughly, leaving me no room to talk or even breath.
I reciprocated his affection with equal fervour, pulling him to me with my arms around his neck. Our lips moved against each other in a mating rhythm. We poured our special feelings to one another through it until we gasped for air.
Panting, I smiled when I realized that he got my message, "That's what I mean..."
